Facial Expressions

Someone recently called me 'stoic.' I had to look it up to find the exact definition. Google says, "A person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining." Dictionary.com, "Of or pertaining to the school of philosophy founded by Zeno, who taught that people should be free from passion, unmoved by joy or grief, and submit without complaint to unavoidable necessity." Answers.com, "One who is seemingly indifferent to or unaffected by joy, grief, pleasure, or pain."

The first definition can be considered a compliment. But that definition didn't fit the conversation I was having with this person. The second definition is more detailed but too long and complicated. The third one hit home. One who is seemingly indifferent to or unaffected by joy, grief, pleasure, or pain. Is that really me? Unaffected by joy and pleasure? My wording, "Do I really look that dead on a normal basis?" Why, then, are kids drawn to me? Why do my residents respond to me? Why do people feel so comfortable talking to me? But that explains why I've been told I need to learn how to take correction and criticism. I didn't realize I was taking it improperly. I wasn't arguing or rejecting the comments, but apparently because of my facial expressions, or the lack there of, they took it as me being stubborn and unwilling to change my ways. I can't watch myself throughout the day. I only see myself in a mirror, in which I read my emotions into the face that I see, or in pictures, in which I'm usually smiling. But now, seeing a few videos of me singing in the choir...AH! When people say they want to take a 'serious' picture, I don't look serious, I look mean.

So, how am I supposed to take that comment? What am I supposed to do? Not showing pain or hardship could be considered a strength, but not showing joy or pleasure? I know I don't like talking in certain settings, and I depended on my facial expressions to get me by, I didn't realize I had no expression. Props to those who actually understood what I was trying to say, then! In a way, this almost makes me dislike public speaking even more! What about being in public in general...