Tolerance vs. Acceptance

"I don't want to just be tolerated, I want to be accepted."

There is a program put on by ABC called "What Would You Do?" People act out scenarios to see if they can catch people's attention and how those people will respond. They act out scenes ranging from someone having toilet paper stuck to their shoe to an American telling a Muslim (American) that she can't shop at his store to black guys vs white guys vandalizing a car. People may think they are non-prejudice or have American pride, but everyone carries that out differently. Having toilet paper stuck to your shoe, something in your teeth or dropping money on the ground may seem small, but the question still is, "What if that happened to you? Would you want someone to help you?"

But then the deeper issues come, with serious self-reflection. If you were at a bakery and the cashier told a Muslim girl wearing a hijab that he was not going to serve her kind, what would you say? Would you say anything? Would you offer to buy for her what she was requesting? Would you walk out of the store refusing to do business there? Would you tell the cashier your opinion of the situation? Does your conviction of 'this is wrong' push you to do something?

If you saw white male teenagers vandalizing a car in broad daylight, how would you respond? If these teenagers were black, would your response be different? Would you walk past and ignore? Call the police? Or engage them?

I mainly watched the examples about race and religion. But there was one on drag queens that caught my attention. A waiter refuses to serve these two drag queens in this small diner. Most people don't say anything, but some do. Some keep it to themselves, some wait till the two are kicked out of the diner, some interrupt the confrontation, even a 10 year old girl gives a statement. During all the videos, I was thinking, "What would I do, and why?" Before I came to a conclusion on this scenario, one of the drag queens said that some people tolerate them but, "I don't want to just be tolerated, I want to be accepted." That brought, 'what would I do?' to a different level. Would my action show that I accepted them or that I just tolerated them. People's lifestyles and preferences are different from mine. I may not have to agree with their preferences and incorporate them in to my lifestyle, but I need to do more than just tolerate the people, I need to accept them. That is what not being prejudice really is. Do my words and actions show that I Accept everyone for who they are, or am I prejudice.

This can even be taken one step further. What Would Jesus Do? We already know. People may not like people who are not their kind. Well, we are the furthest from God's kind. Yes, we were made in His image, but we have tainted it so badly. Our sinful nature has put such a degree of separation between us and God. But yet He still forgives us. He still listens to us. He still helps us. He still calls us His child. He still wants to live in us. If Christ, as God, can come down to earth and call us His brother and consider us His equal, why can't we consider each other our equals, and show it in our words and actions.

Speaking in Tongues

How many pray for the ability to speak in tongues? I mean the Gift of Tongues from the Holy Spirit in 1 Corinthians 12:4-11. "The manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all: for to one is given...different kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues." In high school, I decided to take French classes. Living on the Canadian border, it made more sense than Spanish. After graduation, a classmate moved away and majored in Arabic in college. That seemed like such a weird major to me. Now, working where I work, I wish I knew more of both Spanish AND Arabic. Ok, I don't even know if I'm at a level where I can say I want to know "More" of either, but I do know words here and there.

A nurse friend of mine once told me that she prays for the gift of healing. Being a nurse is to take care of those who are sick in one way or another and need healing. She would pray that she would be able to heal her patients and relieve them of their pain. In my case, as I have long term elderly patients who aren't necessarily sick, I need to pray for the gift of tongues. One lady can say this whole long phrase, but not until she says the word "bagno" do I know that she needs to go to the bathroom. To ask her if she's ready for bed, I would have to tilt my head and place it by my hands in the sleeping position. I now know when she says, "No letto," she's ready for bed. Pain is "dolore." Good night is "buonanotte." Eat is "mangiare." Yes, I used wordreference to look up the spellings of these words! I know some other words as well. And some are similar to French! I haven't figured out what "spinge me" means yet. That spelling I know is incorrect. As for the Arabic, I know how to say, "Give me my 8 o'clock medicine," roughly. I know you want to learn some so: "Ateeni" means give me. "Huboob" means pills. "Dawa" means medicine. "Waajaa" means pain. "Nam(i)" means bed. And the main word I hear, "yella," means come on. I can understand them quicker than I can think of them to say them myself.

But outside of these few words, and our one staff member who can interpret both languages whenever she's there, communicating with these patients is done through sign language and guessing. The only English they know is what they hear us repeat. If I were able to speak in tongues and/or interpret tongues, the care I give my patients would be so much greater. I would know right away what they are asking for, even if it's something as simple as "my head hurts" or "I'm done." I do pray that can give proper care to my patients each day, but I think I need to get more specific. Lord, give me the gift of speaking and/or interpreting tongues so that I can properly care for your children and provide the comfort and treatment that they need.

Facial Expressions

Someone recently called me 'stoic.' I had to look it up to find the exact definition. Google says, "A person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining." Dictionary.com, "Of or pertaining to the school of philosophy founded by Zeno, who taught that people should be free from passion, unmoved by joy or grief, and submit without complaint to unavoidable necessity." Answers.com, "One who is seemingly indifferent to or unaffected by joy, grief, pleasure, or pain."

The first definition can be considered a compliment. But that definition didn't fit the conversation I was having with this person. The second definition is more detailed but too long and complicated. The third one hit home. One who is seemingly indifferent to or unaffected by joy, grief, pleasure, or pain. Is that really me? Unaffected by joy and pleasure? My wording, "Do I really look that dead on a normal basis?" Why, then, are kids drawn to me? Why do my residents respond to me? Why do people feel so comfortable talking to me? But that explains why I've been told I need to learn how to take correction and criticism. I didn't realize I was taking it improperly. I wasn't arguing or rejecting the comments, but apparently because of my facial expressions, or the lack there of, they took it as me being stubborn and unwilling to change my ways. I can't watch myself throughout the day. I only see myself in a mirror, in which I read my emotions into the face that I see, or in pictures, in which I'm usually smiling. But now, seeing a few videos of me singing in the choir...AH! When people say they want to take a 'serious' picture, I don't look serious, I look mean.

So, how am I supposed to take that comment? What am I supposed to do? Not showing pain or hardship could be considered a strength, but not showing joy or pleasure? I know I don't like talking in certain settings, and I depended on my facial expressions to get me by, I didn't realize I had no expression. Props to those who actually understood what I was trying to say, then! In a way, this almost makes me dislike public speaking even more! What about being in public in general...

Witnessing is...

The Sabbath School quarterly for Monday was entitled "Witnessing is..." It asks the questions,  "What is there in your life that would make someone want to learn more about Jesus? How has Christ changed your life?"

I know everyone has a testimony, and I've shared mine before, but when it's asked like that... What is there in my life that would make someone want to learn more about Jesus? All of the things I can think of are the things that make me stand out. I guess shyness could be called meekness. I don't swear or use foul language or jokes. I don't party, drink, smoke, or gamble. All of those make me stand out at my workplace. Someone said once, "You're the most innocent person I know." We'd only known each other for 2 months but only saw each other for a few minutes a few times a week at work. What in me did she see? What in me makes people feel comfortable to ask questions about the Sabbath and State of the Dead (I work with hospice patients). Even tithe!

Then there's the question: How has Christ changed my life? The fact that I'm even willing to give a decent answer when someone asks me about my religion is a change. I don't just blow off the question like it's not important. I now have the information more solid in my mind and scripture and experience to back it up. God created the Sabbath so we can rest from the pressure of the world and enjoy His presence. Five and a half years of college and I did no homework on the Sabbath. And I still graduated!

But that first question still gets me. What is there in my life that would make someone want to learn more about Jesus?

Why Blog?

I'm obviously not good at blogs. I honestly don't even know why I started this. I made two entries my freshmen year in college. One my sophomore. Then deleted them and made the blog about my mission trip to Zambia. It was the easiest way to share the information and pictures. But I don't know if people even read it, or if they are now. I even have the link in my email. Do I post more and tell more people about it, or just drop it? But what do I post? What is public enough to share but personal enough that people will want to read? Then there's also finding the time to blog. I just caught up my journal writing from the last 6 weeks. I obviously summarized and skipped things if I wrote about a 6 week time span in one afternoon.

So, those of you out there who are actually reading this, what do you want to hear about? I don't do much outside of work and my work is not something I can talk about here. What makes this different from facebook where I post that I am going north for the weekend and can't find someone to go with me? Is this where I post my reflection of going north? I can already guess that I'll have a praise that I made it safely driving up from midnight to 6am Saturday morning! My plan while I'm home is to decorate my high school teacher's classroom for her birthday. I've decorated it almost ever year (I missed one) since she was my teacher my freshman year in high school. Even when I was away at college, I got other people to decorate it. But she's retiring this year, so I'm going all out like we did the first year. We just need an air compressor...

So was that something worth blogging about? What about reflections from messages from GYC last year that I just finished transcribing? Side note-Justin McNeilus is really hard to transcribe. But here are three statements that caught my attention. All from Charissa Fong's Saturday morning devotional. I guess I was really paying attention while typing that one.

• The first statement is, "The Holy Spirit is impressing upon your heart …and you’re thinking 'I can’t do it.' You’re right, you can’t, and He never said you could, because He can, and He always said He would." She said it so firm and clear."You’re right, you can’t, and He never said you could, because He can, and He always said He would." In the time of trails, you've heard "If God's called you to it, He will get you through it." But that also applies to the things God calls us to do with and in our lives. If He asks you to preach a sermon and you're afraid of public speaking, He will give you the words to say, you just have to step out in faith to receive the blessing. If He calls you into a profession you don't feel qualified to practice, don't worry, He's overqualified! And the best person to train you.
• The second one: "Just think of snowflakes. Snowflakes are really fragile. But, if you put them all together, they stop traffic." Yes, one person can make a difference, but even when a crowd does something, it started with the idea of one. That person needs assistance to stop people in their place, just like a pile of snow. Her context was "friends, if we would just obey God, and obey Him together, I believe that we will shake the world." Being from Michigan, we should understand the snowflake analogy.
• The third one was just the simple statement, "The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary."

As I'm writing this, I'm listening to the song "Your Grace Still Amazes Me." It seems like I've heard this recently but I don't remember where. This is the phrase that just caught my attention, "It’s deeper it’s wider, it’s stronger, it’s higher. It’s deeper it’s wider, it’s stronger, it’s higher, than anything my eyes can see." Are we paying attention to the ways God is showing us His grace? Do we thank Him for it? Do we realize our need for it?

Okay, that's my blog entry. See you in six weeks!

God's Love

So today is, was, Valentines Day. The day when everyone wants to be shown love by someone. Thinking back to last year, though people repeated it over and over to me, I didn't feel loved. It wasn't true love. It wasn't love I experienced inside me. I knew my family loved me. I knew my friends loved me. But there was something greater missing. Last year, it was God's love that, though I knew was true, I needed to feel. A lot has happened since then. I got some nursing experience, got a job, got an apartment, got some more nursing experience, made new friends, etc. Obviously, there are more things between there, but here are some lessons God has taught me over the last few months.

• John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life."
• God loves me as an individual and will do whatever it takes to save me. He won't give up until He finds me.
• In heaven, God will return back the inheritance that was meant for us in Eden, for Christ's sake.
• God listens patiently when I talk, though He already knows my side of the story.
• God had a winning plan to save my life from the beginning of creation.
• God loves me unconditionally even though I will never deserve it.
• When I return to God, He does not think to consider me a servant but accepts me back as part of the family. No matter how or why I left. No matter what I did while I was gone, God is happy when I return to Him. 
• When God sees our interest in returning to Him, He runs to embrace us.
• Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
• God not only solves the problems we think we have, but also the ones we don't know we have.
• God left heaven to live with us, to show us how to live, to die for us. There is no greater demotion.
• God's timing may not be the same as our timing, but He will fulfill His promises. And His timing is perfect.

It's true. The feeling of being loved doesn't come automatically. That doesn't make the love untrue. Keep believing that God loves you and the feeling will grow. It's not that you are trying to convince yourself of something untrue, but of something that is humanly impossible: to love unconditionally to the point of death. No man would honestly do that for a world who hated him. But God did. And there is nothing that can separate us from His love. Romans 8:35-39 "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? ... Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

God loves me! God loves you! Happy Valentines Day!

Faith in the Unseen

Reflections on CAMPUS Winter Retreat 2012

-Psalm 40:8 "I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart."
My desire to do anything come from my heart. Whether it's a good desire or a bad one, that shows the state of my heart. If I desire to do God's will, I will put His law in my heart. If God's law/will is in my heart, I will desire to do His will.

-Job struggled for 42 chapters because he did not see the conversation that happened between God and Satan in 1:6-12. The details of the battle between good and evil are unseen to us. Am I still faithful to God in tough times, though I do not see those details?

-Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal

-Faith is being fully persuaded that God has the power to do what He has promised

-2 Kings 5:1-15 A little no name girl was taken from her family and home country to live with Naaman. Because he listened to what she said, he was saved but physically and spiritually.
---God uses little no name maids
---A disruption of lifestyle may have a purpose
---What am I willing to give up for my salvation and that of others

-God not only solves the problems we think we have, but also the problems we don't know we have

-Those who realize their salvation is free are those who are willing to give the most

-Philippians 2:6-8 "Who, being in the very nature God...made himself nothing...being found in appearance as a man..."
Jesus coming to earth and associating with man, letting us talk to him, at him, about him, correct him, etc, is like a professional chef going to work at McDonalds and letting the employees tell him how to cook a burger and make a sandwich, while remaining calm and not using his knowledge to just change everything.

-Do I live considering what people think of me or considering what God thinks of me?

-Mark 4:35-40 is the story when Jesus is on the boat with His disciples, sleeping during a storm
Even when facing death, we should not be afraid, because God is with us. It may seem sometimes that He doesn't care, that He's sleeping. But He does care and has everything under control!

-Nothing good ever comes from worrying